Red and Blue Bullet
by ptl
Summary: Somehow, the most idiotic soldiers in the universe ended up in an alternate Earth full of monsters, superpowered lolis and shitty society. With only their wits, weapons and skills, they may be humanity's last hope… God protect us.


**[Blood Gulch Blues]**

The alarm clock sounded off. The room's inhabitant, a lazy bastard if all his trash bags and other types of disorganized chaos was something to tell, grunted in discomfort, as if the mere act of having to wake up was some kind of infection.

After a herculean (for him) effort, he managed to break the annoying gadget with a hammer he always has prepared for situations like this. He sometimes has the temptation to use a gun, but those were extremely noisy and would wake him completely.

The deed done, the fat man was going to resume his sacred sleep when he heard knocking at the door.

"Grif? You didn't smash the alarm clock again, right?"

Grif grimaced. Simmons. While not as dangerous as Sarge, he's still an annoying sonuvabitch.

"And what if I did?!" Shouted Griff to the door, giving it The Finger. He knows that the arrogant nerd can't see it but he just doesn't care.

"That's the fifth one this week! Do you know that we're still in the red?!" exclaimed Simmons incredulous.

"How could we be possibly be constantly without money if we have a high-tech base with tons of food, weapons, ammo, vehicles and food?! And we get paid a lot if I fucking remember!" shouted Griff, though somewhat muffled by the pillow.

"I don't know! Maybe is because we're eating through ammo; making and repairing weapons and vehicles; investing in I+D; paying for damages or just trying to fucking feed 22 mouths, especially yours!" Simmons all but shouted, sarcasm dripping from his ears at this point.

"21. Lopez is a robot. And I'm pretty sure Kaede eats more than me."

"It's because her metabolism is justifiably monstrous. You? You are a fat glutton!"

"And proud of it!"

Simmons couldn't help but groan in exasperation due to the teammate he have known for more than fourteen seasons. Then remembered that this wasn't the reason why he was here.

"Not the fucking point. Also, it's 7:30. The others are woken up and having breakfast. If you're not ready, you'll lose it, not to say that Sarge will chew you up."

"I'll have my breakfast at lunch hour and fuck Sarge! And you as well!"

"I give up."

"Can I help you with something?"

Simmons turned around to see a spiky redhead of 10 years old, brown eyes and confident air. This was Saya, Sarge's Initiator and protegee. The Red leader chose her because of her bloodlust and obsession to explode/shoot/break things. She was, in Sarge's words, the daughter he never had, and the Cursed Child reciprocates his feelings. Basically, the two bond by blowing the shit up to the Gastrea, testing new deadly weapons and going to family restaurants. Oh, and torture Griff, but that was because she finds him funny, not due to an irrational hatred of him.

"Oh, Saya. Grif doesn't want to get up. Again."

"Could I knock his door, please?" If her faux-innocent tone and the giant Varanium Gravity Hammer tell something, is that she will 'knock' the door.

"Mmm" Simmons pondered "We might have to call Lopez to fix it up but I run out of options." he shrugged "Do as you want."

Saya's smirk grew bloodthirsty and before anyone could blink, the redhead hammer user attacked Grif's reinforced Titanium-A door, making it fly across the room and giving Grif a heart attack.

"Son of a bitch!"

Simmons leaned out towards the now doorless room and gagged from the sight and the stench "Urgh. I think you're breaking a new record. And we lived together since the canyon. And that's something."

"No one asked for your opinion, Simmons!" Grif shouted indignantly.

"Nope, only that you get your lazy fatass out of this dump." Saya intervened "Unless, of course, you want to get punished in the balls. Sarge's words." The image of a devilish-smirking little girl with a giant monster-slaying alien hammer would be cute if it wasn't so goddamn menacing.

Grif's hands went towards his family jewels in reflex and gulped.

In the end, Grif, armored up, went to the mess hall, muttering something about a certain diabolic child and her asshole insane adoptive father, which of course, had to encounter in the hallway.

"Grif!" Sarge said angrily "You're late to the morning meeting! That means it's your turn to take on embarrassing low-paying part-time jobs and being the bait at the next hunt!." Then the grizzled ex-ODST, leader of Red Team and co-leader of "Odd Jobs and Gastrea Pest Control Blood Gulch Civil Security Agency" trotted away, going to do more productive things like planning for more ways to kill Gastrea or Grif, grumbling about finances, grumbling about shitty politicians and trying to beat up his own record at Doom's Nightmare difficulty, in hopes he will one day archieve the gorious glory that is the Doomslayer himself and be able to Glory Kill Gastrea and obtain free ammo and health in real life.

"And no breakfast!" Sarge added as an afterthought.

Grif groaned.

How?

How did the days of rambling like idiots, shooting each other up, beating/being beated up by muties and half-shark robotic women, participating in a civil war and goofing up in their own private moon end up like this?!

Oh, wait.

Nothing changed.

It's the same bullshit once and again.

How can you explain a bunch of 26th-century idiotic soldiers ended up in 21st-century post-apocalyptic alternative Earth, with giant viral mutant nearly-immortal monsters and children with superpowers?

Oh, wait.

You can't.

And for your information, Tucker did not do it.

_AN: Have a grimdark story? Put the Reds and Blues in it to derail it by infecting everyone with their quirkiness! I have somewhat of a plot but the first chapters are introductory and will also show some interactions with the Black Bullet cast and the beginnings of change in that universe. I have no idea for any characters to fill the role of Initiators for Wash, Carolina, Donut and Sister. Maybe you have some idea for a humorous situation._

_This is what I would like for the OC Initiators to have:_

_Name_

_Aspect_

_Personality_

_Promoter (Washington, Carolina, Donut, Sister)_

_Weapon/Battle style_

_Music in general: Black Bullet and Red vs Blue OST._

_Dramatic epic music: Black Bullet OST, Tokyo 2021 and Crisis Point especially._

_Kickass battle music: RvB Revelations and Project Freelancer Saga music, especially Red vs Blue OST version._

_Goofy music: Tendo Civil Securities and tons of RvB songs._

_Enjoy._


End file.
